My Worst Fear
by Cathy Daine
Summary: Darien's thoughts about his Usako's death during the R season. Mushy! Oneshot.


Hi folks! What's up? I feel tired to death! I've had 2 tests today and only 5 hours sleep! Talk about exhausted!

Enjoy and don't forget to drop a line!

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or any of the characters.

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**My worst fear**

I stood in the rose garden that overlooked Tokyo's lake. A gust of wind breezed past me carrying the sweet scent of roses out into the rest of the city. The sun was setting as it colored the sky purple and pink. The water was glittering but this beautiful scene did not calm nor comfort me.

I was thinking about my princess, Usako. It had already been days since our return home and Fiore's death but I was still haunted by images of my love's death. I can see her before me saying that she gave up just because she couldn't stand seeing her friends in pain.

She is so brave, my Usako. My heart almost stopped beating when she transformed into princess Serenity. Fear gripped me because I knew that she was too weak to use the crystal. We all yelled at her to stop but she told us that everything would be all right.

I went to her side when I saw her waver. I was terrified for her but I couldn't do anything to help her. She poured all her energy into the crystal and the crystal shattered taking Usako's life with it.

I will never forget that moment when she fell lifeless into my arms. That horror and disbelief is indescribable. My mind just couldn't grasp the concept that she had gone. The scouts were around me and I knew that they were saying something but I didn't listen. My eyes were focused on my lovely Usako who even in death still looked as exquisite as ever.

The girls were crying but I refused to believe that she had left me. I was hoping that she would in some miraculous way open her eyes and tell me that everything would be ok, but she didn't. The seconds dragged by and I was filled with such anguish that I thought I would die. I wanted to stamp my foot and demand that she lived or yelling on the top of my voice asking why I wasn't with her but most of all I just wanted her to live! I would gladly sacrifice everything if it meant that my Usako lived. She deserves to live damn it!

My extinguished hope was rekindled as Fiore presented to me the flower of life. I kissed it before kissing Usako's soft lips that were still warm. The girls gasped as the Silver Crystal was restored but I couldn't have cared less for that stupid crystal that had almost robbed me of my soul mate.

Usako's eyes fluttered open and the never-ending hope, love and care, that made everyone love her, shone in her eyes once again. Her soft sweet voice was barely audible as she spoke my name, in the way that only she could, and turned to the girls before looking at me again.

I was speechless and terrified that it was just a dream but her next words reassured me. I will never forget those words that she spoke. She said: "Mamo-chan, everyone, I told you that I would protect everyone."

I just stared at her for a few seconds before tears flooded my eyes. My darling Usako, it's so like her to put everyone before herself. That is why I love her so much. She radiates with love and joy and makes the day brighter for everyone she meets.

She has returned to that cheerful girl that I love so much but I just can't shake off the feeling of how close I was to losing her forever.

A sweet voice interrupts my thoughts. "Mamo-chan?" it says. I don't even need to look to see who it is. That gentle voice belongs to my one and only Usako. Her slender arms hug me around my waist as if sensing my troubled thoughts. "What's the matter?" she asked concerned.

What did I say? Always caring for others. "What are you doing out here so late?" I asked her trying to dodge the subject and besides I really want know since it's 2 a.m. I look at everything but at her. I don't want to make her worry more than she already has to.

She sighs slightly. "Don't try to change the subject," she chided me gently. "I sensed that you were troubled and you didn't really expect me to ignore that did you?" She asked with a slight hint of teasing. When I keep silent she speaks again and this time there's a small hint of wistfulness. "I wish you could tell me what's wrong Mamo-chan. I hope you know that you can tell me anything."

At last I look at her and her eyes glimmer with such a tenderness and understanding that my heart almost stopped beating. I suddenly wrap my arms around her and I can feel myself trembling. Tears begin to run afresh and sobs rack my body.

Usagi stiffens in surprise before she soothes me with tender words that she whispers in my ear.

"How can you be so strong Usako?" I ask her. Her strength never fails to amaze me.

She smiles softly before replying. "Because I have my friends and _you_ to support me. I know that I can always count on you, no matter what. Our love is my strength's source." She caresses my face and dries my tears before asking what has happened.

"I was thinking how close I came to losing you." I confessed.

"Oh, Mamo-chan. I'm okay now right?"

I begin to pace back and forth before stopping abruptly in front of her. "You don't understand! You were dead and those minutes made me realize how much I need you, love you. I can't survive without you Usako." I said while struggling to find words to express me feelings. "That emptiness that filled me made me feel empty… dead. The world turned black and all the light disappeared, because you are the light in my world." I said. The words didn't even begin to describe my feelings but no words could do that but Usako understood, just like always.

She cupped my face in her soft delicate hands that held the destiny of the world in them. "I understand, because I feel the same thing every time you are injured or hurt. My world disappeared the moment you died in my arms. I had to feel that emptiness twice, one time on the moon and the second time during the battle against Beryl. You died in front of my very eyes because you protected me. How did you think I felt? I watched my soul mate fall because of me." Usako's eyes glistened with such pain as she reminisced the past.

I held her close to me as if trying to shield her from all the pain. Guilt ate away at me for being the cause of that pain. Her eyes were downcast but I forced her to look at me. "Usako" I said. "I would die a million times if it meant keeping you safe. You are my world."

"Just like you are mine," she whispered softly.

I tightened my hold on her almost afraid that she would disappear. My darling Usako stroked my back comforting me. I was filled with such love that I thought I would burst.

"I will never ever leave you Mamo-chan. I will be with you spiritually even if I..." I stopped her before she could finish. I knew what she was about to say and the mere thought of that happening petrified me.

"I will never allow that to happen!" I promised with fervor. "I shall protect you to the end and if that means dying then so be it!"

Usako shook her before replying. "No Mamo-chan. My greatest wish if for you to live happily."

"How can you expect me to live happily without you? You wouldn't condemn me to a life without you, would you?" I ask her. "You are my life Usako! I will follow you even if it is to the realm of the dead."

She hesitated. I knew that she was peddling from the fact that she wanted me to live and yet she couldn't bear to see me unhappy. "Maybe you will find someone else. Someone who you can love." She says uncertainly.

"How can you even suggest something like that?" I asked angrily. "Would you be able to love someone else?" I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. What if she said yes? That would certainly break my heart and yet I wished her a happy life even if I wasn't by her side.

Silence reigned and then suddenly I felt something wet on my shirt. I compelled Usako to look at me and my heart broke as always when I saw her cry. She didn't say anything but her eyes gave me my answer. "You would have done the same as me," it was a statement not a question.

Her eyes spoke of her love and her determination to never lose me. Usako raised her head stubbornly. "I have no doubts about what I would do if I lost you."

"And yet you are telling me to live on and find someone else to love if anything happened to you," I said with some irony.

"Well that's because…" she seemed a bit stumped for words and she pouted. I couldn't help but laugh. "Well I'm glad you've cheered up," she said sarcastically.

My laughter continued before I placed a light kiss on her lips. "You are so adorable," I told her. She retaliated by sticking out her tongue at me before laughing herself.

"I don't think it makes any difference how long we stay here and argue," I said finally. "I know that you won't be able to change my mind and I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to change your mind either."

She grinned at me. "Smart man."

I laughed once more and then I turned serious again. "You know that I love you more than life itself, right?" I said stroking her soft cheek. Her eyes softened and just shone with love.

She nodded smiling. "I love you too." She said and my heart jumped with joy. It didn't matter how many times I hear that because it places me on cloud nine every time I hear her say it.

I lowered my head and placed a soft kiss before kissing her again but with more passion. It started innocent but the ardor increased by the second. The kiss spoke of our love for each other and the passion we felt.

I leaned my forehead against her as the kiss ended leaving both of us trying to catch our breath. "I love you."

Her beautiful sky blue eyes shone. "I love you too."

And in that moment I knew that my worst fear was just unnecessary worrying because I knew with certainty that our love would survive anything that destiny threw at us.

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Finished! Love it? Hate it? Review! I'm sorry if it seemed a little off but my eyes are closing as we speak or write or whatever you say. lol

Review! I'm thinking about writing some song fics. Got any suggestions? Drop me a line! I'm a little desperate for reviews, did you notice? lol

Till next time then!

Cathy Daine


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